Where do I begin?

The amount of individuals in my area claiming to be poly is alarming. It has gotten to the point where I will settle on a low intelligence, hideous golem of a man, so long as he is monogamous. I will settle for sub-par in order to get the monogamy I desire. How incredibly fucked up is that?

Last weekend I had an individual belittle me so much because I refused to show him my vagina. He thought I was transgender. I wound up showing him. I still feel used and dirty from it. That was a kick in myself esteem.
Allow me to explain why. Growing up I was always the fat chick. Hell, I still think of myself as fat and undesirable. I was constantly told I look like my father. My father is a large man, whom you cannot mistake for being anything but a man. Whenever he and my mother would gender swipe couples costumes for Halloween, I was the basis for the size my father should wear. Yeah, it fucked me up bad. No pre-teen should ever have to deal with that. So for a stranger to assume that I was at one point a male upsets me greatly.

I’m not sure what to do anymore. I’m a freak for wanting monogamy. I’m a freak for being single in my mid 30s.

 

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